


Losing My Mind

by Watchtower (atbucud)



Series: Superhero Soulmate AU [6]
Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Gen, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Reader-Insert, Tumblr: watchtower-feed, Watchtower: Superhero Soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26560552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atbucud/pseuds/Watchtower
Summary: When you live in a world full of superheroes, there are worst things than meta human villains, invading aliens, and psychotic clowns. One of them is having a soulmate.Some say it’s better because your other half is easier to find, but they’re not the one who has a hero or a villain for a soulmate. You do.As far back as you can remember, there has always been this boy. So full of wonder and adventure. You followed him everywhere he went. Into tunnels of tangled tree roots. Through curtains of thick green vines. Under the shade of the tallest tree on their farm.
Relationships: Lex Luthor/Reader, Lex Luthor/You
Series: Superhero Soulmate AU [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1328027
Comments: 11
Kudos: 44





	1. Chapter 1

You live next door but you were always on their farm with him. It was a big property with fields of corn where you always played hide and seek. It was your favorite game but he always found you so quickly. Like he knew exactly which patch of soil you were lying on.

“It’s my property. Of course, I’ll find anyone hiding on it,” he boasted.

“There’s no way you can just tell, Lex. You must have superpowers or something!”

The boy scoffed. He stuck out his chest and his hands on his waist, “I don’t need powers to find you. You’re just bad at hiding.” He laughed as you chased him out of the cornfields.

When you moved to the city, Lex was sitting beside you in your parents’ car. He was sniffling with an angry expression on his face, glaring out the window at the night sky fading away. His hands were clenched into fists by his side and you reached out and held one in your hands.

He turned to you and you can see snot dripping down his nose. He used his free arm to wipe it with his sleeve. He looked down at the floor of the car and spoke only loud enough for you to hear, “I killed my parents. I started the fire.”

Your eyes widened and your mouth hung open. He looked at you with his brows slanted upward and eyes narrowed, “They kept telling me that I’m crazy. That you’re not real. And I just wanted them to stop. Stop the hitting and the screaming.” He touched your cheek, “But you are real. You’re here right now.”

You don’t know what to say. Too young to understand. Too naïve to believe that there was violence in the boy who lit up your days brighter than the sun. You nodded and touched your forehead with his. “I’m here,” you say.

Then the boy turned into a teenager and he stayed the same. Bright, amazing, full of ideas and ambition. You spent so much time together that you believed you were basically attached at the hip. You were usually in the library studying, reading, and listening to him ramble on about the different theories that kept coming to him.

You had fewer adventures. In fact, you always took the time to remind Lex to greet the sun every now and then instead of locking yourselves up in your rooms. But Lex had his comics of superheroes, superheroes that were real and flew over your heads when you’re walking down the sidewalk together. That was where he found his new sense of adventure.

His bedroom floor was always littered with open pages of comic magazines. You sat on his bed and watched, amused, as he walked around the room, stepping over each magazine, moving his arms around in the air, trying to animate the powers of each hero he read about. Whenever he started imitating sounds like ‘bang’ and ‘boom’ with his whole body you would always laugh, which made him more excited as he kept going.

He always got too loud. His foster father would barge up the stairs, forcing you to hide under the bed as you hear him storm through the hallway. You would listen to him yell at Lex to keep it down and then slam the door shut behind him.

Lex would always slump on the floor, crinkling the magazines as he sat with his knees pressed against his chest. You’d slowly crawl out from under the bed and sat beside him. He never looked at you after that because his eyes would always have this angry look, the same one he had in the car years ago.

You’d pull on his cheek until he looked at you. Then you’d pout at him. It doesn’t wipe away the sinister look on his face so he always hid in the crook of your neck. You always let him stay like that for a while, until he calms down a little, with one of your hands soothing his back.

But not for too long because then he would start trailing kisses along your collarbone that made you feel hot and flushed. Your eyes always half-closed as he continued to kiss up the side of your neck to your ears and nibble them. You would start breathing through your mouth and you can feel his warm breath graze the red tips of your ears.

Then he would pull back a few inches from your face to stare at you with the same narrowed eyes and eyebrows slanted upward. He would wait for you to bite your lips, your tell that yes you want this, before he’d take your lips in full and lay you gently on his bed.

You would always wake up afterward in your room, always wondering when Lex had snuck you back in.

You always told your parents about him, telling them how smart he is and hardworking and innovative and brilliant. Your parents would tease you and smile at how happy you are.

Then one day, your mother finally asked, “When are you going to let us meet this boy?”

“Mom,” you chided, “you’ve met him thousands of times. We grew up together in the country-side.”

Your parents stopped eating and looked at each other. You watched them and waited until they turned back to you. “Honey,” your mother said gently, “we’ve never lived in the country-side. We’ve always lived here.”

“What?” you laughed, “Come on, mom. We did.” You continued eating and talked with food in your mouth. “I was always on Lex’s farm, running around in the fields and exploring the forest behind their property. They even have this huge tree at the back of their house. Don’t you remember?”

They put down their forks and knives and your father looked at you seriously, “Y/N, you’ve never been to any farm.”

You stared at your parents. “I was,” was suddenly all you could muster.

Your mother shook her head, “Sweetie. When you were younger, you always locked yourself in your room for hours at a time, every day. Maybe this boy is actually… an imaginary friend you made up years ago.”

You suddenly found your appetite lost and can’t stand to be in the same room as your parents or to be in this house. You got up and ran out as they yelled for you to come back. Your feet padded along the concrete pavement as you tried to recall the directions to Lex’s house.

He’s real. He was your neighbor in the country and you moved here to Star City at the same time. It should be around this corner. His dark red house with green picket fences should be—

There was nothing there but a convenient store. You walked back and forth in front of it, pulling your hair back away from your face. “He lives here. I know he does. I’m always here!”

“Y/N?” Lex called out to you.

You quickly ran to him and hugged him around the waist, immediately making him feel uncomfortable. “Y/N, we’re in public. What are you–” He felt the shaking of your shoulders and you rubbed your face against his clothes. “What’s wrong?” he said gently while rubbing your head.

“You’re real. You’re here,” you mumbled through his clothes.

He scoffed, “Of course I am.” He smiled down at you with half-closed eyes, a dreamy look he only showed to you. “Where else would I be?”

“My parents,” you mumbled, “they were probably pranking me. Telling me we didn’t live in the country and that I just made you up in my head.”

Lex laughed and held your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him. “Could your imagination really come up with someone as great as me?”

You laughed as last drops of tears fell down your face. Lex rubbed them away with his thumbs.

You blushed and finally remembered that you’re in public. You looked around, hoping no one was watching you. You looked back at the convenience store and found it gone. Standing in its place is a dark red house. Luthor’s house.

It all suddenly came crashing down on you like hale on a sunny day. “Lex.”

“Hmm?” he kept rubbing your cheek, cleaning away the remnants of your tears.

“Where… where do you live?”

He looked at you with a raised eyebrow, “Are you sure you’re okay, YN?” You stared at him until he answered. “We’re standing in front of my house right now.”

You gripped the ends of his shirt, “What city?”

He was surprised by how frantic you sounded. He looked at you more seriously and answered, “Metropolis.”

It took several more days before you had the courage to tell him about your link. You had to do your own research before you turned his world upside down just like yours had been. But no amount of preparedness could save you.

When you told him, he lashed out. He thrashed everything in his room until his foster parents came in. He yelled at them to tell you that you’re wrong, that you’re there in his room. Their eyes took one sweep of the room, “It’s just you in here, boy. So don’t think you can blame all this shit on someone else.”

Lex stopped wanting to be in your life after what happened. He felt betrayed that you weren’t physically beside him all those times, and worst, your link made him feel crazy. Made him doubt what was real. It made him kill his parents. Alienated himself from everyone. It also made him paranoid about what people think of him, talking about a girl who doesn’t exist. Falling in love with you who’s not even in his world.

You tried to talk to him, telling him you’re only a few states away, that you can move closer to each other for college. But that was all in vain because the damage had been done. He could never stop looking at you like a parasite that’s sucking on his brain.

Your perception was so skewed by your rosy happiness with him that you never really paid attention to his developing arrogance. His bright personality was swallowed by his need to control the circumstances around him. And you, your existence in his memories is the worst thing he can’t control.

A decade past and the boy you once knew, the teenager you made love with, is now a man. Too smart for the world that has been too cruel on him. Even when he turned his back on you, you still see him. Sometimes when you’re drinking coffee, he’s there walking down the street. You always tuck your hands in your pockets and look away.

It’s worse when you’re alone in your bedroom and you think of him out of the blue. Suddenly, you’re sitting in a corner of his office and he’s glaring at you from his work desk. You don’t know how to stop the link, neither of you does. So you try to make yourself small or Lex will walk out and slam the door behind him.

Finally, instead of fighting it, you continued to watch from the sidelines as this man, your soulmate, rose up into a powerful man that has half of the world’s criminals in his pocket. You would disguise yourself as a waiter in a restaurant where he meets his clients. You would pretend to be a driver when he’s collaborating with syndicates. You’d don on a lab coat when Lex spends days and weeks at Cadmus. You’re getting better at hiding yourself as you spring up in his memories. 

Or so you thought.

Then today, Lex appears in your room. He’s sitting at your desk as soon as you walk in. You jump up with a yelp.

He stares at you with the same angry expression of the child in the car years ago. “You think you’re clever, don’t you?”

You drop your things on the floor and cross your arms. Ten years has been a long time. After everything you’ve seen him done, Lex isn’t the only one who’s changed. “I know what you’re up to, Lex.”

He grits his teeth, “No one calls me that anymore. No one alive.”

“I do,” you clench your fist. You know he can’t hurt you here. “And I’m still breathing.”

He studies you, watching your fists and your narrowed eyes, before he grins, “Not for long.”

“Wanna bet on that?”

Lex pauses and laughs, it resonates the times he would talk about superheroes in his room. “My. Have you grown.”

“I’ve changed. And so have you.”

“For the better.”

“I beg to differ.”

“You always did,” he stands up and walks around your room, examining the printed pictures on your wall. “I only came here as a courtesy to what we had. Our childhood. And our… teenage selves.”

You suddenly blush but you try to hold your own, forcing your breathing to be even. “So you agree that they’re real.”

He stops in front of a picture of you and your roommate. He pretends to examine it before he speaks again.

“I want you out of my head, Y/N.” He turns to you, “Now.”

You scoff, “Do you think I love seeing you hurt people? We can’t control it, Lex. The links are a sealed deal.”

He smiles, a knowing smirk, his tell when he’s got an idea playing through his head. “You said you know of my plans.”

You narrow your eyes, “Everything you’ve done is only temporary. I’m your last piece and I’m going to make sure you never find me.”

Lex shakes his head lightly. He walks up to you and you tense. He holds his hands up by his side for you to see. Then slowly he leans in and leaves a peck on your cheek. He moves his mouth close to your ears and whispers, “Remember, Y/N. I don’t need powers to find you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You lose your link

_“I want you out of my head, Y/N.” He turns to you, “Now.”_

_You scoff, “Do you think I love seeing you hurt people? We can’t control it Lex. The links are a sealed deal.”_

_He smiles, a knowing smirk, his tell when he’s got an idea playing through his head. “You said you know of my plans.”_

_You narrow your eyes, “Everything you’ve done is only temporary. I’m your last piece and I’m going to make sure you never find me.”_

_Lex shakes his head lightly. He walks up to you and you tense. He holds his hands up by his side for you to see. Then slowly he leans in and leaves a peck on your cheek. He moves his mouth close to your ears and whispers, “Remember, Y/N. I don’t need powers to find you.”_

“I do not understand.” Dr. Fate’s eyes stare intently at the man you’ve known your entire life.

“What’s not to understand?” he mocks. “It’s simple. Really. Even old brains can comprehend it.”

“I don’t understand why I’m here.” Dr. Fate’s tone is a lot more stern. His eyes are glaring from within his golden helmet. “The Moirai are Greek. I am not.”

“Hmm.” Your soulmate pretends to mull this over in thought. “Yes. But you’re both ancient divine beings, aren’t you? From what Savage has told me–” he pauses to turn to the immortal hero in the room, expecting his icy glare to turn more hostile. “You’re much older.”

Dr. Fate presses his lips together.

“Listen, Nabu.” Lex stresses the name, Dr. Fate’s mortal name. “You have a new body now– an immortal body thanks to me. And we both know I don’t do favors for free.

“But surely it’s fine if you don’t want to repay me. I’ll just fail at my plans and turn myself in to the Justice League. Then I’ll tell them everything I’ve been up to. Including that body you’ve been using.”

Silence fills the room and your soulmate’s smirk irritates Dr. Fate to the point of victory. The Justice League member walks up to where the Fate sister is lying on the floor, unconscious. Next to her is a cauldron. The ancient artifact that once held every living being’s past, present, and future.

Dr. Fate reaches down to touch the Fate sister’s forehead with his hand. Where their skin meets, a golden glow peeks from in between. It dimmed away when Dr. Fate stood up.

“Well?” Lex asks without patience.

“The cauldron once held destinies before an Olympian god had spilled its content down to Earth. Zeus was alerted the moment it happened. There was enough time to prevent our destinies from falling into our own hands.”

Luthor purses his lips, “And instead placed our destiny in the hands of other people.”

“Your other half.”

Luthor clenches his fist. He’s thinking about his parents on the farm and the foster family that tried to take advantage of him. But Dr. Fate was right. There is also you.

“Do I have enough energy from the ‘destinies’ I’ve collected?”

“No. To wield more power than the gods, you need every single link in existence.”

Lex purses his lips, “I assume that includes the links of every single baby being born by the second.”

Dr. Fate doesn’t nod or shake his head. He stares at Luthor with the same standing position he’s assumed all this time. “For what you desire, you only need one last link.” He strides forward until he’s looking down at Lex from inside his golden helmet. “I know what you truly want even when you haven’t realized it yet. So be reminded.” He leans down to match Lex’s eye level. “Gods are not to be threatened.”

Your soulmate’s fingers twitch, making Dr. Fate look at them. Then he disappears, leaving Lex alone breathing out slowly until he can find his voice again, “And yet.”

He turns to the cauldron and touches the rim. Despite being a man of science, he could feel the ethereal energy emanating from it. It’s the same feeling when you’re around.

“Did you enjoy the show, soulmate?”

You step out from the shadows and approach the cauldron. There are no images of gods and mighty heroes embossed on it but only of a creature with four legs and four arms.

“See how close I am?” Your soulmate’s eyes are wide and filled with excitement. His hands almost clapping, forcing himself from committing a habit he used to do with you.

He steps forward and holds your face in his hands. You suddenly feel weak. Like all you want to do is melt back into his touch. Go back to the past together and stay there.

“All I need is our link, Y/N.”

Suddenly there’s that prickling feeling in your chest. You grab his hands and squeeze them with your trembling fingers. You close your eyes and push back your tears with the anger boiling inside you. Then you finally look back with a steely gaze. “You’ll never get me, Lex. You’re not the only one with friends.”

You disappear while Lex’s hands remain in the air, still feeling the press of your fingertips, but holding nothing.

✧ ✧ ✧

You finally make it to the rendezvous point in Gotham City. You reach an unusually quiet alley at the East End and Batman steps out of the shadows to greet you. 

“Were you followed?”

It’s not like you’re here to exchange pleasantries but you had at least hoped to see his soulmate with him. “No,” you answer.

“Did you take the link blockers?”

“Yes. Two hours ago. I brought enough for the next 24 hours.”

Batman nods. He has been suspicious of you since day one. Of course, he wouldn’t allow his soulmate to be any more involved in this. Not when it’s your soulmate you’re plotting to take down.

“Flash will take you to the safehouse. Another team will be staying with you while the Justice League raid the labs.”

You’re surprised. Even though this is your plan, you’re not allowed to know the specifics in case Luthor makes it in your memories. You did ask Batman to only tell you what you need to know.

Batman is backing up against the wall. “Stay close. Stay alert.”

Suddenly, everything was a blur of red with small streaks of yellow. The only thing stable you can see is the jawline of the fastest man alive. He’s carrying you in his arms and he steals a quick look at you. “Are you really Luthor’s soulmate?”

“Yes. Why would I lie?”

“Why would you admit you’re his soulmate?” he asks with a raised brow.

Suddenly you feel no sympathy for the speedster. “I love him.”

“Oh,” he mutters, shoulders slacking but only for a moment. “So why help us? He had my soulmate kidnapped but didn’t take her link.”

You stare at him and realize this is why he’s the one taking you to the safehouse. He volunteered.

Since the Fate sisters refuse to see any hero or villain, meta or human, the Justice League knows very little about the links. And since you share a memory link with Luthor, you’re the closest expert they’ll ever have.

“Ever wondered why there are so many types of links?” you ask and Flash only replies by raising an eyebrow. “It’s all the same energy, divine energy from the Greek gods–” 

“They’re real?”

It’s your turn to raise an eyebrow, “You have an Amazonian on your team.”

“Right,” he chuckles sheepishly, “Sometimes I just forget– Continue.”

“When the energy turns itself into a link between soulmates, in order to completely seal their bond, it changes itself into one that will perfectly suit them.”

Flash scoffs. “A tracker on a speedster. That’s not even clever.”

“Lex thought so, too. So he went to Eobard Thawne–”

Flash skids to a stop. The inertia against his grasp might leave light bruises on your arms and legs. “Thawne gave his soulmate link– his tracker– to Luthor? That means he really is after just one of each link.” Flash is staring down at the ground and you see his eyes widen before they turn to you. “That’s why his real targets have been League members– powerhouses.”

You eye him curiously. You had told Batman and his soulmate all you know but it looks like he didn’t share that with the Justice League. Or maybe the League isn’t even in on this after all. Maybe no one else is in on this. Not Martian Manhunter nor Miss Martian.

Your nerves have gotten hold of you and you didn’t notice when you’d started running again. You want to ask the Flash, to make sure Batman trusts you enough to try your plan. But you stop.

“Something’s wrong,” Flash says, tightening his grip on you as he looks around inside an empty warehouse near a loading dock. “Someone from the team should’ve been here by– AAARGH!”

A bright blue light hits Flash’s back and he throws you away before it reaches you, too. You watch him quickly turn to ice as you fall against the hard floor. You used your arms to brace your fall and protect your head, grazing them and the stinging feeling makes you weak.

A pair of black shiny loafers settle in front of you. “I told you, Y/N.” Hearing his voice for the first time– the first real time feels different, like listening to the lyrics without the instruments. As if it’s the only sound that’s ever existed. He bends down. “I don’t need powers to find you.”

You look up and the moment your eyes meet with his, every single memory you’ve shared flashes in your mind. An album of recollections. A film reel of everything you’ve been through. Every single moment of being together but not.

The moment it’s over, you close your eyes shut and massage them. Lex has been wiped from the memories you’ve once shared but you still remember the feeling of him being there, as well as every single conversation you’ve ever had. The good and the bad. 

When you open your eyes, Lex is still massaging the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed. You watch tears slip through his eyes and only then do you notice the warmth on your own cheeks. 

You reach out and wipe away your soulmate’s tears. At your touch, his eyes snap open and he stares at you. It’s as if he’s truly seeing you for the first time. He touches your cheek and your skin is warm and soft. He can finally tell the difference, that every you in his memories had been a lie.

You watch Lex narrow his eyes at you before he stabs your arm with a tranquilizer. It acts quickly and your whole body gives in. Your consciousness fades as Lex catches you and carries you in his arms.

✧ ✧ ✧

You didn’t know what to expect once you woke up but the sudden feeling of loneliness wasn’t even a guess. You sit up from the armchair you find yourself lying in. It stands out from the bland interior of yet another Cadmus lab.

There are scientists and guards littered about. Computers humming lightly in the background. In the middle of the room is the cauldron surrounded by a few scientists with tablets and Lex.

Suddenly the loneliness fades. But you realize why. Lex had taken your link.

You rise up and almost sprint. He turns around and you grab him by the collar and push him back against the cauldron. But your own strength is meager compared to your soulmate’s. Even that fact infuriates you.

Tears are streaming down your face and you’re glaring at your soulmate. You scream at him, “You took it away!”

Lex is staring at you with a puzzled look before his eyes narrow and his expression becomes bored. “Not yet.”

Your eyes widen and Lex sees himself completely reflected in them, looking back. He gently removes your hold on his collar and holds both of your hands in his. “Much like the timer link, Y/N, our memory link disappears when we meet.”

Your eyes narrow as if you’re in pain. Lex’s thumb brushes the skin on the back of your hands. “And just like with every other link–”

“The souls’ links still exist,” you finish, suddenly remembering what you know. The fear of losing your link has made you lose focus and lose sight of the plan.

“Now,” Lex lets go of your hands and turns to the cauldron. “I suppose this is the part where I tell you my plans.”

You wrap your arms around you with the sensation of his touch still lingering. “I already know,” you whisper.

“Humor me,” he answers. He turns to you with a familiar smirk he hasn’t worn since he was a teenager. “One last time.”

Being so close to losing him forever and knowing that this will truly be the last time, you turn away and stare at the cauldron. It’s no longer empty. It’s filled with an ethereal hue of gold and silver lines stirring around inside. Touching it might feel like cold air or soft clouds.

“Guesswork is never enough for you,” you start and Lex hums in agreement. “You wanted proof that the souls’ links still exist. And Dr. Fate was your first-ever customer.

“You found a couple with the immortality link. You took away their link using the Fate sisters’ scissors– another experiment you needed proof of. Then you offered the woman to Dr. Fate as an immortal magical host.”

You grip the ends of the cauldron, unfazed by the metal’s warmth.

“I was there when he brought the woman back. She was older. Dr. Fate believed you did something wrong and you let him believe just that. But you knew–” your eyes narrow as you stare into the cauldron. Lex watches as the ethereal energy’s light dances across your features. “With her soulmate dead, his soul lingered around her, causing her to age. Alone.”

Lex sighs, “Even in death, destiny haunts us. How inconvenient.”

You’re so close to your boiling point. You turn to Lex and you’re shouting, “But that wasn’t enough for you! You found another couple and offered another sacrifice to Nabu while keeping their soulmate in eternal captivity!”

Lex lazily waves a hand without looking at you. “You’re getting off-topic, Y/N.”

You clench your teeth and take a swing at your soulmate but it’s weak. Lex is able to block it and hold your wrist. “Tell me. What am I planning?”

You lean in and your voice is laced with spite, “You’re after what you’ve always wanted, Lex. Control.”

Lex stares at you before he smiles and lets go of your hand. You take it back and this time there’s no lingering touch. “You want control over your own life and that means control over everything. Everyone. You want to use the divine energy from the links to fuel the Fate sisters’ cauldron and be in charge of the world’s destiny.”

You laugh but it sounds empty and forced, “But like Dr. Fate said– like I’ve been telling you, it’s not going to work.”

Luthor raises an eyebrow at you but he’s smiling, “My. What a spy you’ve grown to be.”

This irritates you more and you stomp forward, “You can’t change what’s already been done, Lex! The past has passed, and the future isn’t in your hands.”

Lex rolls his eyes at you, “Don’t try to be the smartest person in the room, Y/N. It’s embarrassing.” He signals to one of the scientists before turning his attention back to the cauldron. “With every single link in existence, I would’ve become the god that decides everyone’s destiny. And you know what, Y/N, I never wanted that.”

The shock of what you heard made you take a step back.

“Becoming a god would’ve made me into the very thing I hate. Superman. Metahumans. Aliens. Extraordinary beings that hold our lifelines with the tips of their fingernails. I have no desire to be one of them.”

The scientist walks up to Lex carrying a suitcase.

“You’re right, Y/N. The past has passed and we can’t change it. Not completely. But what is within my control are people’s memories. The only proof that the past even existed.”

Lex opens the suitcase and inside is a pair of old and damaged scissors, rusted and bent. He takes it out of the suitcase and holds it in one hand.

“The gods have controlled our lives using these links and I intend to do the same using ours. I’ve collected every single memory link in the world, Y/N. Being the rarest and limited, it wasn’t all too hard. Especially with a god on your side.

“The only one missing is ours.”

You suddenly press your arms against your chest but your soulmate doesn’t advance toward you.

“By erasing my past and altering people’s memories, I can finally peacefully live in a world without soulmates and links. I’ll erase everything we know about them and chalk them up as anomalies with no sense nor purpose.

“It’ll be the perfect world. A world where I’ll be whatever I aspire to be. All without you burrowing into my brain like a parasite. Forcing my hand into killing my family and going on about an imaginary lover–”

“Lex, don’t do this. Please. You can’t–”

“I can.”

You’re starting to take a step back and guards are approaching you. Lex waves them away and he holds out his hand to you. He’s asking you.

Your eyes narrow and you beg him not to do this.

“Please. I… I don’t want to forget you. I don’t want that! This link has brought you uncertainty and muddled memories but Lex, every moment we shared was real. I was with you in every single one. I felt your happiness and sadness. I’ve seen your anger. Just because we weren’t there physically, doesn’t mean they were imaginary.”

Lex doesn’t answer you. He takes a step forward and lightly touches your hand. The gentleness he’s suddenly showing keeps you from pulling away.

“Lex, please. The world be damned, let me keep my–”

Don’t worry, YN.

“Don’t worry, Y/N,” he holds your hand and his thumb brushes your skin.

There’s no mistaking it. Lex’s words came with an echo that vibrated inside your mind. They’re here. Batman followed through.

“I’ll make sure both you and I will forget everything. You won’t have to get hurt anymore.”

You force yourself to focus back on your soulmate. There’s no lie or sarcasm or pity in his voice. This is Lex offering you his sincerity for the last time, showing you that a part of him still cares and might love you.

It almost makes you wish this didn’t have to happen. That maybe you’d be satisfied with playing cat and mouse for the rest of your lives. But your soulmate isn’t just destroying your link, he’s willing to take away everyone else’s.

And your memory link is gone. Losing your souls’ link is a small sacrifice for the love of your life, to keep him from spiraling into darker places where he can’t come back from.

You raise your hand and offer it to him. He smiles at you but you refuse to look. He presses his palm up against yours and makes sure your pinkies are touching and aligned. Then he takes the scissors and snips at the invisible string tying you together.

The moment it snaps, you see the golden thread burst from thin air. Lex holds it with the scissors and turns to the cauldron.

But before he can drop it in, you rush forward until you’ve tackled him to the ground. The scissors fly across the room and opens, and your link disappears in midair.

“No!” Lex turns to you and tries to push you off but stronger pairs of arms are also holding him down. “What–”

The air moves and both Martian Manhunter and Miss Martian appear beside you.

You watch Lex’s eyes widen and turn from one alien to another. Once they’ve entered his mind, his eyes start closing. You lean down and whisper, “A courtesy, my soulmate.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lex Luthor is your soulmate

_The air moves and both Martian Manhunter and Miss Martian appear beside you._

_You watch Lex’s eyes widen and turn from one alien to another. Once they’ve entered his mind, his eyes start closing. You lean down and whisper, “A courtesy, my soulmate.”_

You stay close to Lex, laying his head on your lap while Miss Martian lies near you, her eyes glowing an effervescent light green and Martian Manhunter holds her hand. You panic when Lex’s brows crease and his eyelids flutter.

“It’ll be okay,” Martian Manhunater’s deep voice echoes in the near-empty dome of the lab. Everyone had been cuffed and escorted out. It’s just the four of you in the middle and Batman and Green Arrow on the side keeping watch.

“Miss Martian is the best telepath I know. She won’t hurt him.”

You purse your lips and your hand on Lex’s shoulder cups around his skin, pulling him a little closer. “How do I know his memories of the links are the only thing you’ll take?”

Martian Manhunter’s face doesn’t know how to show emotion. So he tips his head to the side. “You came to us for help because you trust us.”

“No,” you answer in reflex and blush in shame. You turn away from him to look at Lex. You want to say that you asked for their help because they’re the only ones that would help. You couldn’t even count on the Fate sisters so who else was left but the enemies of your soulmate?

When Miss Martian starts blinking and moving, Martian Manhunter gently helps her situp and the other heroes start walking toward the center. You check on Lex and find his features calm and his breathing even.

“He’ll be… asleep for a while…” Miss Martian’s voice is ragged. She grunts and takes a long breath before she speaks again. “Batman–” he’s already handing her a piece of paper and pen. She slowly scribbles down a list. After she’s done she hands it to you.

“We need to destroy all physical evidence that might trigger his memories. Can you please write down any locations that might not be there?”

“What do you mean they might not be there?” Batman asks.

Miss Martian frowns, “My powers are strong but some human minds have their own kind of strength. Especially for someone like Luthor. It was like… a filing cabinet?” she turns to Martian Manhunter, unsure, before she looks back at Batman. “Everything was well-organized and easy to find, and all in one place.”

Batman turns to you, “Like a trap.”

You glare at him and cower a little closer over Lex.

“If it is, she’s not involved,” Martian Manhunter interjects and then turns to you, “I’ve read your mind. Batman asked me to.”

Batman grunts, making Green Arrow smirk.

“This is Luthor we’re talking about, Batman. He’s probably had this as a contingency plan years ago when my unc– I mean Martian Manhunter joined the League.”

Batman turns to you and you wait for another accusation. But he nods toward the list you forgot you’re holding. You look at it and carefully read each location. Safehouses. Lairs. Secret meeting spots. Deposit boxes. Storage containers. You’ve been to most of them but there are some missing. Locations only you would know. You write down the dorms and apartments Lex went to in college, his foster house in Metropolis, and just in case, you write down the location of the Luthor farmhouse.

“They’re not secret locations but these would be the last places Lex would go to and his enemies would expect the same.” But Lex is smarter than his enemies, you wanted to add. But you still needed their help. You still needed them to make sure Lex forgets everything.

✧ ✧ ✧ 

You’re standing in front of the big tree on Luthor’s farm and holding the piece of paper with a list. You’re scrunching the paper in your hand. Every location has been crossed off except this one.

Except for the ones you listed down, every single location had endless records and evidence of Lex’s research on the links. As well as copies and backups of each one.

But you’re disappointed because there’s not a single written record about you. Not a single file that acknowledged your existence. Your name wasn’t even written down on a loose piece of paper tucked haphazardly between pages or thrown in a trash bin or shredded.

Lex had erased every single trace of your existence in his life. He had been prepared to lose you completely. No. Get rid of you.

Flash taps you on the shoulder. “Looks like no one’s been here since the fire took down the farmhouse. Where to next?”

You keep your back to him but your voice breaks when you answer, “This is the last one.”

Flash quickly tenses and turns to Batman and Green Arrow for help. It’s Miss Martian who approaches you. “Y/N,” she holds your shoulders and tries to look you in the eye with a half-lidded gaze. “If you want, I could also–”

You quickly shake your head and bite your lips to keep the tears from falling.

No. You want to remember. Despite everything– Despite the man he’s become, you still want him in your memories.

✧ ✧ ✧

You stayed in Gotham for a couple of weeks, against your will but you were ready to do anything to get Batman off your back. He wanted to keep an eye on you, to make sure this wasn’t all part of an elaborate move against the League.

While Superman continued to monitor Lex in Metropolis, you weren’t allowed anywhere near the city nor Lex. But you had no desire to be.

The Lex you saw on the news wasn’t the one you know anymore. He wasn’t the child you grew up with, the teenager you fell in love with, nor the man you devoted your life to. Because that is what you did. Your whole life has revolved around him and now he’s gone.

Finally, it’s time to start your own life. After Gotham, you move back to Star City to be with your family and be reacquainted with the life you could have had. You suddenly don’t need to keep running and hiding anymore.

Not even Batman could keep an eye in Star City 24/7. But a month later, Green Arrow stops by your house to check on you. It is his city after all.

“You can tell Batman I’m still being a good girl and to the League, thank you again for your help.”

Green Arrow laughs. “I’m not here because Batman told me to.”

You raise your eyebrow and try to suppress the smirk playing on your lips, “So you heroes just do monthly checkups on every citizen you’ve saved–”

“–and worked with,” he finishes with a gleaming smile. While Batman had intimidation going for him, Green Arrow uses his charms to lower his enemy’s guard. Lex didn’t particularly applaud the cunning in it. But he did make note of it.

So you keep your mouth closed but give him a small smile. Both of you wait a while.

When the silence suddenly gets too awkward, Green Arrow coughs, “Well I should get going then– Oh!” he fishes out an envelope from inside his jacket and hands it to you.

It’s an invitation to Oliver Queen’s mayoral campaign tomorrow night at the Star City Plaza Hotel.

“He’s one of the good guys.”

You’re too baffled by the sudden situation that you keep staring at the invitation. “Well if he has the League backing him, he can’t lose,” you say mindlessly.

“Actually,” Green Arrow chuckles. “It’s just me… on the down-low.” Of course. If vigilantes started publicly endorsing politicians, they’d lose the people. You nod.

It takes you the whole day to decide whether or not you should go. There are still so many things you had to do to get your new life started. But that also meant that you aren’t particularly busy. Suddenly not having a life’s mission is enough to make you go to a mayoral campaign of all things.

It’s actually not so bad. Good guy or not, Oliver Queen knows how to throw parties for his people. His people being the upper class. You see a few big names show up, all smiling for the camera while they shake hands with the new potential mayor of Star City. All for show.

You find yourself spending most of the night at a table near the stairs, deflecting conversations of who you are, and who they are. Is this the life Lex wanted? To be among these kinds of people?

No, he wouldn’t. He cares less for these social gatherings than politics itself. You snicker silently as you think about how Lex would show up only if he had to be on stage and then leave the rest of the night to his secretary.

You’re picturing this in your head that you almost don’t get surprised to see him across the room shaking hands with a stiff Oliver Queen. But then you remember you’re no longer linked and he’s no longer your soulmate. So why is he suddenly here?

He catches you staring at him. You watch him turn back to Oliver Queen and mindlessly excuses himself but the mayoral candidate holds Lex’s hand in his grip and seems unwilling to let his company go.

You quickly take this opportunity to slip away and blend into a small crowd headed down the stairs toward the lobby. You wait until they reach the bottom steps before you break off toward a deserted hallway. You lean against the wall and try to catch your breath. If written words on a piece paper could potentially unravel everything Miss Martian erased, then you had to get out of here.

“Leaving so soon?”

It’s as if destiny still has strings on you.

You turn around. Slowly. You try to smile. You try to keep your feet planted on the floor and your hands behind you. “Not really my scene.” 

Lex raises his eyebrow and places his hands in his pockets. “So you’re here for work then. Star City Sentinel?” he asks, “or Gotham Gazette?”

He thinks you’re a reporter but that’s not right. He’s not one to seek reporters. He runs away from them. 

“Uhh, no,” you answer. “I’m– filling in for a friend.”

“A friend, huh?” He raises his eyebrows in amusement. “Anyone, I know?”

You suddenly don’t like this. You don’t know what this Luthor is thinking. You narrow your eyes at him and push yourself off the wall, about to walk off. “Probably not. I don’t even know who you are.”

He laughs, “Really, Y/N?” It makes you stop. “Was that the best you’ve got? Everyone on this planet with access to TV and the internet knows who I am. I thought you might have been able to play this little game a while longer.”

You turn to him then, standing too close and within his reach. Your eyes are wide and he stares back at you with a calm exterior.

"Did you really think it would be so easy?“

You couldn’t move. Your words come out like a whisper with only disbelief pushing them out. "H-how?" 

He hums. "You’re not the only one who’s employed a mindreader.”

His hand reaches out to hold yours. He turns it around in his hold, seeing and feeling your skin touching his. Then he squeezes it. He points his head to the exit and you follow him while he brushes his thumb on the back of your hand. At this point, you’ll follow him to the ends of the earth.

You almost hear Oliver Queen yelling after you as you get in the passenger seat of the town car. Almost.

Lex drives and there’s only silence inside. Your hands are on your lap and they’re shaking. Now that you’ve had time to think, you don’t know what to think. “Lex,” you mutter, “Please. Explain what’s happening.” You slowly turn to him but he keeps his eyes on the road. “If you remember, then why– why aren’t you angry?”

Lex finally turns to you. He can’t help the smirk that lifts the corners of his lips and the mischief curling his eyebrows down. “Aren’t I?”

You don’t reply to him. Your eyes hold his gaze until the playfulness finally disappears from his features. He briefly closes his eyes and sighs.

“I knew our memories would be erased once we meet,” he starts and you hold your breath, “And when I succeed in taking control of the memory link, any lingering feelings would’ve been obliterated as well.”

Your lips quiver as you listen and your words come out a whisper, “Isn’t that what you wanted–”

“But I found,” he interrupts, “Over the years, I found that there was one memory I couldn’t forget.”

Your eyes widen because it suddenly feels as if time had stopped. 

"Which… which one?“

He suddenly smiles sheepishly and his voice goes lower, "The ceasefire.”

You remember it so clearly. The rarest of days when Lex suddenly appeared in front of you, distraught, angry, annoyed, and just as surprised to see you as he was to find himself under a big tree, on a hill, in an orchard in Florence.

"Where am I?“

At first, you pondered about ignoring him but then you realized that would make him harder to tolerate and you don’t know how long he’s going to be staying.

"Italy,” you answered nonchalantly.

He whipped his head around, as if not taking your word for it. Then he turned to you and raised one of his eyebrows, “What are you–”

"I needed a break,” you interrupted. You stretched your arms and then sat down on the blanket you had just laid before Lex arrived. “I found out a while ago that immersing myself in a familiar environment keeps me from wandering into your memories.“

This happened during the third year of your decades-long game of cat and mouse. You were still testing out the possibilities and limitations of the links. But Lex, at the time, was still rejecting it completely.

You watched him close his eyes and you can tell he was willing himself to disappear. But to no success. "Ugh!”

You snickered. “You look like you could use a break, too. Tough day at the evil lair?” you teased but he doesn’t turn to you. He rubbed his palms down his face in aggravation. You rolled your eyes at him, “Since you’re stuck here, we might as well be civil.”

"You could walk away,“ he snapped at you with a fake smile.

"No way! I was here first!” You sounded like a child and Lex almost laughed. Instead, he managed to contain it to a small smirk but it was enough to embarrass you. “Whatever,” you grumbled and leaned back with your arms supporting you. “I’m not leaving this spot.”

Lex scowled and rolled his eyes. He tried to look for the nearest town or guesthouse. But there were only acres of trees on the horizon. He grimaced because it reminded him of the farm. “What’s so special about it?”

You were surprised to hear his questions. Was he actually trying to be civil? You tried your best not to sneak a look at him and kept your gaze up.

"It’s nice to see the light trying to pass through the leaves. When the wind comes, the leaves and branches rustle so the specs of light look like they’re dancing.“

Lex was looking at you while you talked and he saw them dance on the contours of your face, making you smile. Again, it reminded him of the farm.

He finally sighed and unbuttoned his suit jacket. He draped it over your shoulders and then lied down on the blanket with his head resting on your lap. He felt you tense up.

"I need a break,” he declared with his eyes closed.

Slowly, your body relaxed and you sat up so your fingers could run through his hair.

"Is this an intermission?” you tease softly.

"Hmm,” he frowns. “Call it a ceasefire. Your vocabulary hasn’t gotten any better. You must be wasting your time in college instead of studying.“

You glared at him. But then you saw the small smirk that played on his lips and it reminds you of his room in Metropolis. 

You leaned down to hover above his head. Your shadow forced him to open his eyes and look at you.

"I miss you, Lex.”

A strong gust of wind swayed the leaves to reach for the sky, and the light was dancing wildly behind your head. Without thinking, Lex’s hand reached up to pull you down for your lips to be reunited.

The two of you have been quiet for a long time. You’ve been wringing your wrist with your fingers trying to figure what to say next. But Lex knows it has to be him that speaks first.

“I believed destiny made a mistake linking you to me.”

It’s not what you expect and your heart hurts a little to hear it. But you’ve always known that.

“Then,” he pauses. His mouth closes and opens a few times before he could finally continue. “You proved me wrong.”

Your hands stop.

“While I cowered away and tried to ignore our link–”

You look at him to make sure he’s not lying to you. 

Lex is staring straight at the road but there’s a hint of excitement in his eyes. “You adapted!” he said proudly, almost breathless. “You lived in my memories for days at a time and fit into the background as if you were actually there.”

He turns to you suddenly, eyes wide and mouth grinning, “For god’s sakes, Y/N, you found out Batman’s link and planted the information in my head, making me believe I was the one who discovered it.” He scoffs, “And then had me ask Scarecrow create a fear toxin that only worked in his dreams. Tell me– Why?”

His excitement is contagious. You found yourself leaning a little closer and wanting to tell him everything. “I knew it would make his soulmate visit the black market for blockers. I needed her to get the League’s help.” He laughs. “How– how did you know I planted the information?”

“I found out when we finally met. When the link cleared my head of memories of you.”

Your own excitement takes a sudden dip. What you did was wrong. You knew it was before you even started it. But Lex had been making more progress in his plans and you were still figuring out how to get the League to trust you.

It was pure coincidence that you found Batman’s link as if destiny has been pushing you down this road the whole time. It was your roommate’s sister. She visited and you overheard them talking about the links. She was talking about her neighbor in Central City who had the strangest sleeping schedule and often called out Bruce Wayne’s name in her sleep. “Imagine having a subconscious link with Bruce Wayne? I’d die every night catching him with a different supermodel in a wet dream.”

You knew who Bruce Wayne was. Having existed in Lex’s memories, you knew the identity of every single hero and villain, even in other galaxies. Truly, something was helping you pave the path to your success.

Lex reaches out to hold your hand, stealing you from your thoughts. His voice comes softer now but you could still hear the mirth in it, “You uncovered my plans and used it against me. Erasing my memories and planting fake ones about a happy childhood where my parents lived until I finished college– Only you would’ve come up with something twisted and wrapped it in a bow.”

You suddenly have the urge to pull your hand back. Instead, you pinch him. He flinches but keeps smiling.

"I was impressed. The things you could do. The lengths you went through–“

"For you,” you answer in a whisper. You squeeze his hand and you speak a little louder. “It was all for you.”

His smile softens and there’s no longer excitement or mirth there. Just affection. “Yes. For me.”

He lifts your hand to his lips and kisses it. “Forgive me, Y/N. Perhaps destiny has truly blessed me.”


End file.
